You are not listening to me!

What do you mean? I AM listening to you!

Does that sound familiar?  Many of us think we are good listeners, but few of us actually are. Listening to the words the other person is saying is not the same as hearing someone.  Sometimes we are not even hearing the words because we are so busy arguing aloud or in our mind what they are saying.  When we truly hear someone, we are listening with our heart – it is compassionate listening.

There are three ways to listen that I learned from PSI seminars that is very powerful for effective communications.

AGREE WITH listening is listening for points that we agree with.  We are only hear part of the what is being said, what we agree with it, and what we approve of what with what is being said.

DISGREE WITH listening is listen for points that we disagree with so we can come up with an argument against it.  We again are only hear part of what is being said.  We are really not listening because in our head, we are already coming up with points to counter what is being said.

With the first two ways of listening, no new information is getting in and no new connections are being made.  We are hearing with our filters, therefore judging what the other person is saying based on what we believe is true.  When listening this way, we are not truly hearing the other person.

The third way if listen is the most effective way of listening for connection.  It is the BE WITH listening. We are 100% present.  We don’t judge what is being said.  Listening this way strengthens the connection with the person we are listening to because we are listening to understand.  They feel they are being heard.

When we listen with compassion, we listen with our heart, we listen from love.  When we listen with our heart, we hear not only the words they are saying, what they really are trying to say.  We are listening for the meaning behind what they are saying. We connect with that person’s soul.  We are listening to their soul speaking to us.  It is beyond words.

With that said, do you have love ears?